Worst Birthday Ever? Worth Birthday Ever.

Didn't start out too great. Let's see. Sunday 15th April 2012. Birthday dinner was planned for that night. About an hour before we were meant to leave, my last month's phone bill falls into the hands of dad. Get yelled at for over an hour. Get my phone data disabled. Any sort of positive energy that was even there to begin with just died. completely. Dinner was meh. Level of awkwardness was high high high. 'Nuff said.


Tuesday 17th April 2012. School. Ugh. Je n'ai pas pu faire la grasse matinee. Mum walks in and criticizes what I'm wearing. As usual. No birthday wishes? fine. 15 minutes later. does the same thing but says happy b'day. I assume she forgot. Unfortunately, she wasn't the only one who I wasn't expecting to forget, who forgot. First person to wish me happy b'day was Em.  The last person to remember was well, someone I was hoping would be the first to let me know they remembered. But hey, that's alright. Not like i felt completely neglected or anything. *major sarcasm*. 
My favourite part, which was probably the only good part of the day, was dinner. Mum made one of my favourite foods and she learnt a new recipe for it. It was pretty awesome.


Now for the next part of this entry. 


WHY BIRTHDAYS SUCK.
Well firstly, it sucks when people don't remember. But honestly, I don't really give. UNLESS that person means something to me. OR I mean something to them. OR I thought I meant something to them.
Secondly, gift giving. Don't get me wrong. I love seeing people open up gifts I've actually spent heaps of time on; HOWEVER, there's always this little gift giving game..or competition. When someone has given you a really awesome present and even done little things for you (non-material shit), you kinda feel obliged to do the same for them. Not because you're a bitch and wouldn't have anyway, but it's kinda nice to know that you both would go that extra bit for each other. So this is the sucky part. When you've gone out of your way to make someone's birthday that extra bit more special and your "friend" doesn't do shit for you.
Thirdly, it's that extra special something something. So similar to my first two points, but just...doing something for someone you care about. Obviously, if you're barely friends then fuck this part but IF YOU'RE NOT? Well. It'd be pretty obvious afterwards. 


So I'm not trying to say we should all be attention seeking bitches looking for stuff to collect on their birthday. I am also not saying that everyone should have to go all out for their friends. Just think about it...you shouldn't even have to, but do it anyway...if it was your friend's birthday...what would they have done or maybe more importantly, what have they done in the past or what did they do on your most recent birthday that you really appreciated? Give back peoples. Give back and there will be love. 

RE: Painless Suicide - A Complete Guide To Suicide

So i was googling "painless suicide" and decided to click on the first result that came up. It was a blog post. I started reading it and found myself agreeing to the first couple of paragraphs. This blog post was humorous yet somehow triggered a few tears...although I can only assume that it was due to my highly emotional state. 
Anyway, it goes through a rather broad list of ways to commit suicide and well, the possible outcomes of each. After having read that, I realised that I honestly had never thought about some of those options hard enough. I always thought of suicide as a quick and easy thing. 


The blog entry talks about how suicide can inflict pain on others who supposedly love you. That's the only thing I felt a bit uhh iffy on. Making a choice to end your own life would suggest that you feel as though you have hit rock bottom and ultimately, feel like you have no where left to go and no one loves you. If you feel that no one loves you, then would you care about how others would feel after hearing about your death? Or maybe you would be thinking that they wouldn't even care much at all? 


Suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem. I've heard that, but I have always asked myself... Which is worse? Constant suffering with the occasional short-lived moments of euphoria? or Ending your own life and not having to suffer at all?


So here is the link and I highly recommend that you read this if you have been having any suicidal thoughts or know someone who might be: 

http://www.rogerblazic.com/2011/08/painless-suicide-and-complete-guide-to.html

School Shit

I THINK I'VE FOUND THE ONE. AHA.

+

+

=

A Poem I Wrote When I Was 14

I found this in one of my old school folders...I remember making sure this had heaps of meaning in it and that it was something that I strongly felt...I used to write poems all the time when I was younger and remember getting really frustrated with myself for not being able to write this poem that was needed for school...but I eventually did it and thought I'd share...

"I hate this place

I want to leave

But I have no place to go

If I could go

I’d fly away

And never come back home

All these eyes

Are glued to me

Creating pictures that lie

Suffocated by the misery

It strangles me

As each day passes by

I have no choice

But to cover up

My hatred for this world

Now let me hide

And cry inside

Don’t care for this broken girl

Your pathetic attempt

To understand

Has failed a million times

All I need

Is your guidance

To show me where hope shines

As inevitable as the rising sun

All blame is laid on me

Regardless of my story

Seeking for redemption

From living life confused

Don’t want another sorry

And what a waste

It would be

A life full of energy and youth

But only I

Would know about

The anger, the pain, the truth"

Why Girls Hate Themselves

So one obvious reason for self-hate is undoubtedly, the media. Now because of this, self-hate is also prompted by those around us whose minds have been infiltrated by all the fuckery in the media. 

Mind fuckery --> Confusion --> Frustration --> Realisations --> Self-hate

Firstly, there's all this controversy going around about the media sending out messages like how skinny people are more attractive than more curvy people. BUT...this is where everything get's fucked up. At the same time, young girls are getting sent these ideas that you can only be attractive with 10kg worth of fat hanging off your chest and another 10 off your ass. How the fuck does that work? Soon, we're going to have duplicates everywhere of that Heidi chick from that Hills show. 

Secondly, the whole "men hate women with makeup" is complete BS. whhyyy? well. Take a  celebrity as an example. Ask any guy to choose between a picture of any of them with and without makeup and pretty much all of them wouldn't even look twice at the latter. I hate it how you hear whinging like "why do girls have to wear all that shit on their face?" when you know the answer is "BECAUSE YOU MAKE US FEEL LIKE WE'RE ONLY BORDERLINE PRETTY WHEN WE GO ALL OUT." 

Ratings. Show a guy a picture of a girl who's pretty much an 11/10. What happens when they rate her..say a 4.5? The average girl's self-esteem pretty much sinks deeper than any dick would go in a random slut. SO. THINK before you go ahead and rate a girl because not only could it destroy that particular girl, but crush all those around you who you have now just implied as a -6. 

But that being said, whatever you do, NEVER lie to a girl. If you don't find her particularly attractive, be honest or just STFU.

An Epic Case of PMS

I swear, I have never had so many mood swings in my entire life up until mid last year. I've always wondered though...if you can actually come up with legit reasons to justify how you are feeling and your consequential actions then is it unfair to blame everything on crazy ass hormones...? 

If I'm upset, it could just mean that someone has done something to hurt me.

If I'm angry, maybe someone pissed me off real bad.

If I'm happy, maybe the above two didn't happen.

Okay that was a pretty weird thing to talk about...but it was something I just wanted to say. This whole day I've been rather content and even happy, up until about 5-10 minutes ago where i had my daily dose of tears. yeah.

Favourite Models

Abbey Lee Kershaw

Freja Beha Erichson

Frida Gustavsson

The Definition of Beauty

Mainly going to be giving my thoughts on this specifically about girls because for girls...well, everything is just fucked up. 


Requirements for "attractiveness": 

• fried, bleached hair
• cakefaced-ness
• lacking of imperfections
• be a whore but simultaneously be an advocate of self-respect
• have enough cleavage to share around the room
• wear branded clothes while making it look like daddy didn't give you enough money to by shit that covers up more than a 1/10 of your body
• look like an orange
• permanent duckface?

oh check it. perfect example. now her face is creeping me out.

Oh and also, those girls who go on about how they're oh-so-insecure about themselves but can somehow ostentatiously, i guess you could say, post luvo pictures of themselves (yes, major camwhoring) in their latest purchases from VS or B&T or of them in fucking bikinis - not on the fucking beach or at a fucking resort, but in their bathroom. Like OKAY, bitches shouldn't be complaining about guys not giving them respect when they're taken millions of half-naked pictures of them and postin' them all over the place.